Just a quick post that I arrived safely back in Texas. Will post more soon–about seven posts in varying degrees of completion in the queue.
July 27, 2008
I’m sitting here in my room and, for those of you who are keeping track of the various metaphors in this blog, that means I’m floating. Basically, I’m trying not to have a meltdown.
I feel like throwing up; there’s a low-frequency buzz running through my brain, maybe like snow on old TV sets, and I’m trying really hard not to cry. Maybe I need to cry; maybe that will wash these feelings away.
July 23, 2008
The issues of how I represent myself physically have always been tangly for me. It seems to me that body image, class, gender, age, boldness or timidity, money, intellect, availability, values, rebellion, profession, authority, sexuality, and personal history all vie to take precedence and so throughout most of my life I have represented myself in many ways, some of which are contradictory. I can do the skirts and suits and high heels, but really, I’d rather be in jeans and a t-shirt. My own need for beauty now manifests itself mostly in my home. And like I’ve written in other posts, for this trip I brought…well, mostly shabby clothes. They are clean and mostly new, but absolutely not stylish. And not beautiful. To remedy this error, I’ve had a few outfits made so I can present myself more appropriately.